A Bittersweet Transition

Well, the last two months have been very interesting for me. In May, I finished my third and final year on staff (or "doing the internship") with Reformed University Fellowship, or RUF at Mercer University. I can't believe it's over.

For those who aren't sure what working for RUF meant for me, it meant lots of one-on-one conversations with college girls, leading small group Bible studies and planning all kinds of events - for RUF as a whole, or for a few girls. It meant weekly large group meetings, singing with the music team, meeting with my campus minister, Buck. It meant bi-yearly training weeks with other interns from campuses around the country. It meant a lot of hard work in raising 100% of my support, a lot of emotional energy flowing into my girls' lives. It even meant meeting, "secret dating" and getting engaged to my husband (good story). It meant many more things I can't put into words. In a nutshell, it meant learning things I'll cherish forever and having relationships I'll never forget. The internship was the hardest and the best thing I've ever done. The experience changed my life.

So, if you can imagine how difficult it is to leave a job that is all about people. You're leaving people you truly care about. It feels far worse than ripping off a band-aid, because they've become part of you.

RUF is all I've known for three years, since I graduated from Ole Miss. I've loved it so much. God has been gracious and patient with me as I've struggled in learning how to minister (still learning) and keep going, despite seeing the horror of my own selfishness. It's hard to love other people, especially when you want to love yourself only. But by showing me that Jesus loved me when I was undeserving, the Lord has brought me low and enabled me to see his grace far better than I could before.

Tomorrow I start a new job, which is why all of these emotions are bubbling up now. I am thankful for God's provision as jobs are so hard to get these days. I am very excited about it, but a little scared at the same time. I guess that's normal - it's an unknown.

Really, I don't really know how to close out this RUF chapter in my life. A lot of prayer, a lot of tears, a lot of reminding myself that God is in control. It's hard to swallow that leaving is what he has for me, but I trust that it is time and that he knows best.

The Lord has allowed me to have a front-row seat to watch lives change. He has used me to do that - ME! It's incredible how God uses such messed-up people for his Kingdom. I am in awe of it still. And I know that no matter where I serve, he will continue to use me for his glory. There is much more to be done.

Mary Jane